Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #28

TITLE: Gladys Gatsby Takes the Cake
GENRE: Humorous MG

http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2011/10/logline-critique-round-3-4.html

Gladys Gatsby has dreamed of becoming a restaurant critic for the New
York Times—she just didn’t expect to be assigned her first review at
age 11. Now, if she wants to meet her deadline and hang on to her
dream job, she’ll have to defy her fast-food-loving parents, cook her
way into the heart of her sixth-grade archenemy, and battle
Manhattan’s meanest maitre d’.

11 comments:

  1. I chose to critique this based on the title. Fun stuff.

    Although I've no idea how an 11 year old could end up with a job like this, I have no complaints on this logline. I want to read this. I'm betting I'll laugh and cry at all the right parts.

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  2. I loved this one before, and I think you've made it pretty much perfect. Good job and good luck!

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  3. Sounds super fun. I only have a couple of nits.

    You don't need the dashes for fast food loving

    I believe arch enemy is two words

    The location of the consequences is different, but works.

    I'd sure like a more specific definition than "battle"

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  4. "You don't need the dashes for fast food loving"
    Actually, compound adjectives before a noun should almost always be hyphenated. Check out rule 1: http://www.writersrelief.com/blog/2008/03/hyphen-rules-dont-let-misused-hyphens-muddle-your-adjectives-or-your-writing/

    "I believe arch enemy is two words"
    Not according to Webster's: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/archenemy

    Sorry, not trying to snark, just trying to be accurate!

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  5. I loved this the first time I read it, and love it still.

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  6. Tara is correct! See what comes of trying to think while sleepy.

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  7. Your logline has great voice! Nice job. Clearly she is a food critic, however, I still want to know why she has to cook for her way into.... Couldn't you say spice-up her way into.... ? Just a thought. I like it! Nice job. Good luck!

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  8. I really like this, it looks to be an adorable story!

    One question: Why does she have to cook? I'd think about either elaborating on this or re-wording.

    Hope this helps. Good luck! :)

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  9. Another thought - if cook is a metaphor, maybe devour her six-grade archenemy. Still keeping in line with her critic job and not a cook. Hope this helps! Love your story.

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  10. Your logline is so great that all we can do is nitpick the tiniest details. In addition to the suggestions above, I'd lose the comma after "Now" in your second sentence, though either way is correct and a matter of style. Excellent logline!

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