TITLE: KILLING HORIZONS
GENRE: Women's fiction / thriller
http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2011/10/logline-critique-round-2-10.html
Lena, a stunning and mysterious mail-order bride from Russia, trades her troubled past for The American Dream – but gets a husband as rotten as he is rich. When Lena and the au pair, Amy, begin a secretive affair, things start to get hot, and dangerous. Desperate for freedom, both women are faced with life-or-death choices – until they learn who really is in control of their lives. But does this lesson come too late?
This sounds very interesting, I'd like to read more!
ReplyDeleteI'd consider changing it to "until they learn who's really controlling their lives." Also, I'm not sure I like the last question. It may be the fact that I'm sleepy, but it took me a minute to figure out what lesson you were referring to.
Hope this helps. Good luck! :)
Woo, steamy! This had a surprising twist, and makes me wonder if they'll plot to kill hubby, sort of like the movie, "Bound." I'm not sure about the last couple of lines either. If you're implying that THEY are really in control of their lives, it's entirely different from another character. So my guess is, those lines are too vague.
ReplyDeleteThis is really nicely written, but the stakes could be raised. What is the danger? e.g. ...'but their fight for freedom is met with (terrible event) and if they don't learn who's in control of their lives soon, they may face (second terrible event). Sounds interesting though : )
ReplyDelete