Is falling for him really how she finds out? She gets a crush and suddenly BAM! CENTER OF THE WAR!? I really like your logline without that bit in it. I know it fits, but it splits Alexa's motivations in half. Would there be a way to keep the flow and that part? 17yo Alexa discovers she's at the center of a war and must protect humans while saving herself and her new crush in the process (or however he fits into this? is he the enemy? the ally? the human? the trainer?).Something like that? I guess I just don't like that modifier sitting in the middle of it since it sort of detracts from Alexa. Would naming the enemy help? The logline is still vague enough for interests, but if you're using specific enemies, naming them could be to your advantage.All in all, I like this. It's clear and it gets straight to the issue. If her falling for him isn't necessary, cut it out (do we need to know how it happens as long as it does happen in the logline?). And I'm definitely not the logline master, so wait to see what everyone else says.Good job!
L.M. Miller makes some great points about this log line. One thing I'd suggest is make your logline as concise and flavorful as possible. Only keep what is necessary (and make it memorable), cut everything else. It's hard to make any specific suggestions without reading the whole story, but it seems to me that the most important plot is the paranormal war. Also what exactly does "save herself" mean? Save herself physically? Emotionally? Other? This is where being specific can really help evoke what you want.
This sounds like a intriging story! I just have one thought.I know you're trying to show us the romantic side of this story, but I think the main idea/theme will resonate stronger without that detail. Have you thought of changing the sentence to say, "Seventeen-year-old Alexa must protect humans from her paranormal enemies (or describe them here)while while saving herself in the process.
Thanks, everyone!! It's tough because I'd taken out the romance element previously and then got nailed for it, since it's a paranormal romance. The previous comments said "where's the romance come in?", etc. Back to the drawing board! Appreciate the feedback.
I like this logline!! Sounds like a really cool story, one I'd read. Maybe rework the romantic element a little bit, without making it too wordy. What you have works, especially because it's straight to the point, but it does make the opening sentence stutter.Super job!
Anonymous,If this is a paranormal romance, then focus on the romance instead of the war. The important thing is that the promise of the logline is carried through by the rest of the work.Best Wishes,Joseph
Agree with Joseph unless you just have elements of romance. Overall, I like this and would read the beginning. I'm no expert on loglines but here's how I'd write it. Hope it helps. Good Luck!!Seventeen-year-old Alexa is at the center of a paranormal war and must protect humans from her enemies while also saving herself. She just wished the war started before she fell for/met __________.