TITLE: Beyond The River
GENRE: Literary Fiction
1999: Brad Lucas has just made a fortune selling the dot-com he started in college with his cocksure business partner, Dean. Their odd, antagonistic friendship has deteriorated over the years, but before going their separate ways, Dean invites Brad on a fly-fishing trip. Hiking into the wilds of Northern California, Brad begins to question Dean’s motives. When Dean’s elaborate hoax unravels, Brad must not only save himself, but also decide whether Dean is worth saving.
My biggest issue with a logline is its length. I've heard anywhere from 20 to 30 words is a good word count, and if that's the case, I'd suggest to trim yours. I took a stab at it; I hope you find something useful even though the word count is 52. The interesting thing about your story is that, if these guys made a killing, why would Dean want to harm Brad? Good hook. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteBrad Lucas has just made a fortune selling the dot-com he started with his antagonistic business partner, Dean. As a questionable parting gesture, Dean invites Brad on a fly-fishing trip to Northern California. When Dean’s elaborate hoax unravels, Brad must not only save himself, but also decide whether Dean is worth saving.
I love Ingrid's suggestion. It really pares it down but leaves the essentials.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great premise. Good luck!
Love the re-write. Only remaining issue is with the word "hoax." It leaves a lot of questions on the table. Can you use a better word? or add a few words to explain?
ReplyDeleteAuthoress says we're allowed 75 words, so the length didn't bother me. However, the logline seems a bit plotty. Ingrid's suggestion does a good job of focusing on the inciting incident.
ReplyDeleteAs an FYI, Authoress has shortened the recommended logline length to 60 words. Look at the comments section in this post:
Deletehttp://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2012/10/2012-bakers-dozen-agent-auction.html