I think this has the potential to be really good, but a couple of things. I would reword the first sentence and maybe say something like "After falling for a new boy, Seventeen-year-old Alexa discovers..." and I would like to know what this boy has to do with her finding out she's in this war. This could be very good, just rework a little. Good luck!
I agree this has potential. It's a little to0 vague for me, though. "Paranormal war"--needs to be explained. WHAT kind of paranormal element are we talking about here?"Protect humans"--from what?"Enemies"--what kind of enemies AND what are they trying to do?Good start. Keep working hard. Log-lines are a pain. I know. I'm #35. =)
I agree, a few more specifics could strengthen this, IMO. Also, it's unclear how "falling for a new boy" relates to anything else. It seems like it's just thrown in there. In the last sentence I assume "them" refers to the enemies (not the humans) but it's not completely clear. If it is the enemies, wouldn't it be natural for her to save herself at the same time since they're her enemies and she's also human, I think? I don't think "in the process" is necessary. All just my 2 cents of course. This definitely seems to have a strong central conflict and sounds like it could be really good!
I like that it is short, but I do agree with Michelle that maybe giving some more description as to why falling for a "normal boy" has to do with finding info about the war. I'd also love to learn more about this paranormal war. It sounds interesting. Also, it sounds like what you're saying is that "if she saves the humans, she also saves herself." Is this correct or am I misreading it?
Thanks, everyone. This is my "short" logline; I have a longer one that pretty much covers what's been critiqued here. I should probably go with that one. I'll post it here later. Hopefully someone will see it!CJ, yes and no. It's complicated, but I think my other logline explain it better.
Here's the other one:When seventeen-year-old Alexa learns she generates the power needed to sustain a race, she finds herself locked in a battle over mankind between two paranormal species. With her side in the war predetermined by her love for a Sentinel, Alexa knows she alone can end the chaos, but it could change Alexa's life and humanity forever...or kill her.Hope this one is better!!