Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #31

TITLE: The Clockwork Cricket
GENRE: Steampunk

When a pair of corrupt spies kidnap Chinese immigrant Ying-Shi Fong’s only friend Molly, he must locate the Clockwork Cricket—a mechanical recording device containing military secrets—in exchange for her safe return. But when the Cricket’s owner, one of the Gold Rush Era mining town’s original Forty-Niners, is found brutally murdered, tensions between the townsfolk and the immigrant population escalate into deadly race riots, forcing Ying-Shi to choose between his friend and his family.

3 comments:

  1. This is good! Nice blend of original concepts. I get a good sense of the stakes. Two things I am wondering: How old is the MC? Is this adult? Also, what exactly does he have to do for his family that would keep him awak from Molly? I'd like to see more specific info there. But I really am intrigued.

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  2. Great job. I think you have a very interesting premise and your logline serves you well. It's a tad long, but I'm not sure what you could cut.

    Good luck!

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  3. I really like the premise, but thought there was a little too much information for a logline. I tried to cut it somewhat, to see if that helps:

    "When corrupt spies kidnap Ying-Shi Fong’s only friend Molly, he must locate the Clockwork Cricket, a mechanical recording device that contains military secrets, in exchange for her safe return. But when the Cricket’s owner is found brutally murdered, tensions between the local townsfolk and the immigrant population escalate into deadly race riots, forcing Ying-Shi to choose between his friend and his family."

    Good luck!

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