Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #35

TITLE: Ignite
GENRE: YA Urban Fantasy

Branded with PTSD, seventeen-year-old Alison is desperate to find her grandma’s killers and prove she’s not crazy. With the help of a fire-wielding Watcher from a top-secret protection agency, Ali is led to a discharged agent determined to eliminate supernatural abilities. When he learns Ali can manipulate Water, she is next on his to-cure list.

5 comments:

  1. Fun story. I think this reads pretty strong so I don't really have suggestions. Good work!

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  2. I agree--strong logline. You have a great amount of tension and stakes here.

    Good luck!

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  3. This sounds like something I'd read. Great concept! My only suggestions are: 1) the second sentence makes it seem that the Watcher leads Alison (Ali?) to the discharged agent. If that's what you meant, never mind, but I kind of feel like you meant that the two of them working together are led to the discharged agent. I would just clarify that. And 2) I would either use Alison or Ali but not both in this short amount of text. I've read agents rant about this on various sites. Otherwise, great job!

    Good luck!

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  4. Good logline. You show the main conflict and a complication to solving the conflict. The only thing I don't understand is why the Watcher, who is helping her, would lead her to someone with bad intentions. Maybe you could say something like: "Alison teams up with a fire-wielding Watcher from a top-secret protection agency, and the trail to her grandmother's killers leads them to a discharged agent determined to eliminate supernatural abilities. When he learns..." Not that exactly, but you get the picture.

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  5. I agree with the comments above. I guess it would help me to know whether the watcher mis-leads her to the discharged agent, or if not, what does the discharged agent do that she would risk going to him for help? I guess I don't understand why she would go. I know this might be asking too much about the story, but it does confuse me in some way as to the intention of the watcher. also, that she can manipulate water seems such an interesting point, I'd like to know it sooner. But these are small points and I imagine easily clarified, if even necessary. I think this logline really outlines the conflict, who the protagonist is, how exciting the story will be...it sounds great!
    Good luck!

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