Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #49

TITLE: Admissions
GENRE: Commercial Fiction

Trapped in a suburb one ring road removed from the best high school in America, Clare and Doug Hart desperately battle the insider tracks, embroidered applications, and anti-Asian bias they fear will doom the college admission chances of their adopted Chinese daughter, Mei. When they decide to blackmail a Harvard admissions dean they discover that the true cost of college may well be their souls.

7 comments:

  1. This log line kind of confused me at first, especially the phrase "insider tracks". You definitely don't want that to happen. However it sounds like an interesting story and a prevalent one at that.

    Good luck!

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  2. I take that Mei doesn't attend the best high school in America? If that's the case, perhaps the location of her parents' home is not as necessary for your logline since she will be competing against kids from all over the country for admission into Harvard. Also, why must we care about Mei's parents? What's at stake if Mei doesn't get into Harvard? Is it her parents' social status, pride, Mei's sanity?

    Best of luck!

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  3. Very original! I was a little confused by the first line. I'd start it with something like this: Living within spitting distance of the best high school in America...
    Good luck!

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  4. This sounds like a terrific premise for a novel. Timely and socially relevant, the parents who are willing to do anything including blackmail bit is a brilliant example of the "What If" game writers play. My only caveat is that I'm confused by the term "anti-Asian bias." Perhaps I've misunderstood, but in my experience, minorities, especially Asians, are among the coveted kids colleges want to attract. So what do you mean by anti-Asian?

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  5. I was really confused by the phrase "one ring road removed" - I think you mean just outside the district for the best high school? After that, though, I like it, and I really like the premise of the story. Good luck.

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  6. Wow. Anti-Asian bias caught my attention. I think it sounds like a thrilling ride.

    Just a thought regarding the premise -- I don't think that it is anti-Asian bias in Ivy League colleges...it's just that Asian students don't have minority status since by comparison to other established minorities they are over represented in these schools when looking at US demographics.

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  7. Very intriguing but the last part about their souls has me wondering if this is a paranormal?? If so, you should probably state that in their genre. If it's not literally their souls that are on the line, you may want to consider revising.

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