Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #51

TITLE: CALIFORNIA R.I.P.
GENRE: YA Contemporary

When her parents' divorce uproots Huntington Beach native Dani to the ski town of Sun Valley, Idaho, she isn't psyched to trade in her surfboard for a snowboard. Then she meets Cash, who is determined to make her fall in love with the sport--and maybe him, too. 

11 comments:

  1. I feel like we need a little more. Like what's at stake for Dani?

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  2. I would probably agree with Emily. Tell us a little something more about what's going on. Or at the very least, let your protaganist's voice shine through more strongly.

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  3. I agree, although this sounds like it could be a nice love story, I want to know a little bit more about it before I want to read the manuscript. Although, being an Idaho girl myself I like the idea of it being in Sun Valley. Just add a little more detail and I think this would be great! Good Luck!

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  4. I like this. For me personally, I think it gives enough info. I lean toward short and concise loglines and feel you've hit what needs to be said, especially for a contemporary.
    Good luck!

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  5. I do like that it is short and concise, but I feel like it dwells too much on the backstory and not enough on the main conflict of your story. But I do love the whole trading in the surfboard for a snowboard! Great premise for a contemporary.

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  6. I like this one. It's short, clear, and sounds like a sweet story. :) That said, it might be more "back of the book" than logline, because as others have mentioned, it doesn't seem to list any stakes.

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  7. I agree with the others on needing a bit more of the story--tell us about the conflict! Otherwise, this sounds like it could be adorable. :)

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  8. Simple and sweet. I like it. There's just enough information for my tastes.

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  9. I love this logline. I think it's sweet and concise.

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  10. This sounds very cute, but I want more of an idea of Dani's movitations (like others have said!).

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  11. (from Author)
    Thanks all so much for your very helpful feedback! This is the first time I am posting a logline, and some of your comments have made me realize that I am missing a key part of the story here. All of the positive comments are much appreciated, too--thx for the support!

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