Friday, October 19, 2012

BD Round 2 Revised Logline #10

Original Post #3

TITLE: The Looking-Glass House
GENRE: Literary Fiction

Cline, Texas, 1964: When a young nun becomes attracted to one of the pregnant teenage girls in her care, she must find a distraction.  But uncovering a string of murders isn't what she had in mind.  Now unraveling this mystery will endanger the lives of those she loves most, while bringing her closer to the one person she was trying to avoid.

11 comments:

  1. I've seen the query for this before and really liked it. My only question here would be why does she have to be the one unraveling the mystery? Otherwise, great premise.

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  2. Yes! I'm immediately hooked by the lesbian nun, and interested in the murders and of course being thrown in with the girl she's attracted to. this works for me! good job!!

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  3. I like this a lot. It gives a lot more plot than the original one.

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  4. I think this one works. I understand the question about why it has to be the nun to investigate, but I'm not sure if you need it in the logline. After all, no ever questioned Jessica Fletcher...

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  5. I am really hooked by this logline. So much conflict is crammed into 3 sentences :)

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  6. Love this! Would love to read if when it gets published :-)

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  7. Should drink coffee before writing anything this early ... What I meant to say was: Would love to read IT when it gets published.

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  8. Thanks everyone! I hate writing queries and loglines, but I've learned so much from all of these blogs and contests, from reading, critiquing, and being critiqued. It's great to be part of this online support system :)

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  9. I like this one--liked it in the first version. I am a little confused about the very last phrase but maybe it's just me.

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  10. A great premise, both intriguing and compelling. But, consider: Cline, Texas, 1964: The attraction of a young nun to one of the pregnant teenage girls in her care, is overridden by uncovering a string of murders. (Being in charge,) she must unravel this mystery and keep those she loves safe, yet strive to remain apart from her unwanted love. The part in parentheses is the reason for the nun to be responsible for what's happening. If there's a different reason, use it.

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  11. I like the premise. Juicy! I want to read the story.

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