Friday, October 19, 2012

BD Round 2 Revised Logline #4

Original Post #29

TITLE: The Diary
GENRE: Historical Fiction
Margaret Macrae’s life is a shambles. An abuse victim falsely accused of murdering her mother, without family, money or friends, she knows nothing of her past and fears the future. When her great grandfather’s 200 year old diary mysteriously appears on Mother’s funeral table, she turns to it for answers about who she is. What she finds is a complete surprise.


  1. I liked it better until the last line. I was expecting you to clue me into what the journal means for the plot--a little more meat.

  2. I think this is better than the original one, but I'm not sure you need the last sentence. Unless you can say something specific, I think you should leave it out.

  3. To echo what other pepole have said, that last line is too vague. I'm sure it's a surprise in the novel, which is good, but for a logline you need to focus more on showing the protag's main conflict and how she tries to solve it. I'm not getting a sense of the protag's struggle - what does she spend the whole story trying to obtain or win? Does something in the diary reveal a problem for her to solve? If so, then you need to tell us what that is and what problem she faces as a result, you know? Good luck with it!

  4. I kinda like a blend of your two versions. I like that this one is more detailed in the important parts but I liked the beginning of the first one.

    How about:

    Margaret Macrae, an abused young woman, has been falsely accused of murdering her mother. Penniless, friendless, and homeless, she must clear her name or risk being [some bad consequence - prison?]. When her great-grandfather's 200-year-old diary mysteriously appears on her mother's funeral table, she discovers that her past may hold the key to her future.

    The end is a bit vague but maybe this will help :)

  5. I like Jessica's ideas! But I think "a complete surprise" is not a bad phrase to end a log line/hook with, either. It hooked me!

  6. Sounds intriguing! I feel like if you consolidated the fist line into the second, it would jump off the page more. Also, I would reveal a clue as to the surprise without giving it away. Nice job!