Monday, December 17, 2012

Hangover Round 1 Entry #14

TITLE: Shifted
GENRE: YA Sci-Fi (multi-cultural)

When 15-year-old Kaia Davis discovers she can control one of the atomic elements, she joins The Shifters, a covert unit who fight to stop terrorists and save the world.
Or, at least, that's what they were told.

Yesterday?  High school student.  Today?  Terrorist.  That has to be some kind of record.

Kaia Davis stole a quick glance around the sterile interrogation room where the officers had dumped her.  There weren't any cameras – well, not any obvious ones.  In a room like this, someone had to be watching.  She knew she should try to look calm for her unseen observers, but she couldn’t stop herself – her leg bounced out a staccato rhythm under the plain steel table, and her hand kept time by pulling at her pendant so hard it gouged into the back of her neck. 

No matter how many times Kaia replayed it in her head, she couldn't pin down what had gone wrong.  She had checked and re-checked the current "banned items" list while she packed – she'd even checked it again before she left for any last minute additions.  True, no adult had gone over her luggage (Please.  The Johnsons wouldn't have helped me even if I'd asked), but Kaia knew she had been extra thorough.

There hadn't been any problems when she got on the plane in New York.  Nothing strange in flight, either.  When she had arrived at Charles de Gaulle Airport (or AĆ©roport Paris-Charles de Gaulle, as her French teacher would say), she had been happy just to be somewhere new.  Sure, it was only an airport, but it was a new airport, where the tubes connecting the terminals were made entirely of glass, and the voices on the intercoms weren't speaking English by way of Long Island.

When she had entered the security checkpoint, she hadn't been the slightest bit nervous.  Why should she have been?  The most offensive thing in her bag was acne medicine.


  1. I like the premise and I love the first sentence, but I would have liked to "live" the arrest with Kaia.

  2. This grabbed me in right away. I really like where you are starting your story AND the logline caught my attention too. I'd definately keep reading.

  3. This totally hooked me. If there was more here, I'd absolutely read on. Good job.

  4. Thanks so much for the kind words, everyone!

    Patchi - I was considering starting there, but the one thing I kept coming back to is my second POV character - currently, he shows up a few pages in, but if I started the story with her arrest it felt like it would be too long before he appeared. The arrest would be a bit more action-y... I don't know, I can definitely see arguments both ways.

    Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to read and comment!