tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post1323252289348072550..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: Hangover Round 1 Entry #10K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-62852196890692168462012-12-17T22:41:55.044-05:002012-12-17T22:41:55.044-05:00Hey. I'd like the logline to have one word des...Hey. I'd like the logline to have one word describing the "knighthood" to give us an idea of their duties. Are they templars, joe uglies with swords, magical beings, half-engineers?<br /><br />First stanza has too many descriptions of her sense of loss. One or two does the job. Writing itself is excellent.<br /><br />I suggest breaking second stanza into two: one about dog, and one about pain. What is her emotional reaction to the dog's actions? How can this be shown physically?<br /><br />The only thing I can tell from the first 250 is that your writing is artful and dense. I would love to get a hint of her adventures to come, but I know 250 is tough.<br /><br />Keep at it.<br />Scribble Ninjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08647864024496048217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-84846161531104868822012-12-17T19:58:19.131-05:002012-12-17T19:58:19.131-05:00This isn't my genre, so take my comments with ...This isn't my genre, so take my comments with a grain of salt, but I feel like we should get some inkling on the first page that this is fantasy. The first page to me read more like women's fiction. Also, I had to read twice to figure out who Ella was. That said, you have some strong writing. Good luck!A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.com