tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post3206296092854619766..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: December Buyer's Remorse #2K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-52763008913518300252011-12-15T13:50:47.538-05:002011-12-15T13:50:47.538-05:00All and all, nicely written. Unfortunately, I'...All and all, nicely written. Unfortunately, I'm too literal to offer much advice. I'm less interested in the wind than that of the poor rider pitched from his horse. But I do admire your creativity and style. So don't pay attention to me. :)billhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09899568765344371884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-10362727078460611082011-12-15T07:18:47.040-05:002011-12-15T07:18:47.040-05:00I agree to separate the 2nd-last paragraph into tw...I agree to separate the 2nd-last paragraph into two. Also, agents often talk about building an emotional connection to the character as soon as possible so that we actually care about them when they experience the inciting incident of the story. So I think it would be great to establish more characterization in this - or at least some underlying tension. What are the stakes? Nice job overall though : )katherineamabelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05886046787026184461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-7341372272240251322011-12-14T20:32:56.454-05:002011-12-14T20:32:56.454-05:00The sense of time and place I get from this is Art...The sense of time and place I get from this is Arthurian, with horses and kings and magic that's misunderstood. <br /><br />I agree with Stephanie that the winds need to be a separate paragraph from the description of the horse/rider.KimberlyFDRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01969245120222671022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-68160238087796520812011-12-14T20:02:04.439-05:002011-12-14T20:02:04.439-05:00I really like this! The wind element is very intri...I really like this! The wind element is very intriguing, and I adore this genre. I'd definitely keep reading. My only suggestion is to make a new paragraph after "the beast pitches its rider, foundered," because the next bit about the wind seems like a separate thought.<br /><br />Nice job. :)Stephanie Diazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10606180983300679986noreply@blogger.com