tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post3559530234135839088..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: Last Call Logline #14K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-70320205549522126592012-11-02T16:42:08.905-04:002012-11-02T16:42:08.905-04:00The only critique I have is maybe your overuse of ...The only critique I have is maybe your overuse of adjectives. For example, instead of saying 'dark and dangerous world', I think it'll be just as effective if you just say 'dangerous world' and leave out the dark. And you can probably delete 'ultimate' in the last sentence.Shanika L. Bynumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18212374073199005198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-91287430008929619032012-11-02T00:13:11.100-04:002012-11-02T00:13:11.100-04:00No comments on the logline itself--it's nice a...No comments on the logline itself--it's nice and tight and I love the premise. Kind of a Cinder meets mad scientist. <br />Do agree w/ the above title comment--but those always get changed by publishing houses, anyway. <br /><br />Jill Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173785684131445232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-19803999212386468762012-11-01T17:13:03.726-04:002012-11-01T17:13:03.726-04:00Love this! It's tight and intriguing. Good luc...Love this! It's tight and intriguing. Good luck!Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-10585249709058780262012-11-01T17:07:51.261-04:002012-11-01T17:07:51.261-04:00I like this too! Very appealing.
One tiny nitpick ...I like this too! Very appealing.<br />One tiny nitpick is that it sounds a little funny IMO to have "life's work" and "lives" in the same sentence. Could you just have "whose work" or "whose research" instead? <br />I think this works great though. Well done!sgfnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-5029023741671107242012-11-01T17:06:42.532-04:002012-11-01T17:06:42.532-04:00I'm not feelin the title. The only reason I...I'm not feelin the title. The only reason I'm picking on it is that an agent recently told me that my title needed to be more commercial, catchy. I think yours might benefit from something different, too. Make it stand out.<br /><br />Also, I really like the premise of this, but since there is so much competition in YA, I think you need to make the stakes clearer and more dramatic. Why is it bad for Juliet to be the subject of her mentor's experiment. You told us that his work is saving lives. So, how is it bad for her to be involved. I'm sure in your novel, the dangers are clear, but make them clear here.<br /><br />Sounds like an interesting novel. Good luck with BD!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01978474302944767837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-51472562009460104672012-11-01T15:19:11.019-04:002012-11-01T15:19:11.019-04:00I like this one. It sets out the stakes and defin...I like this one. It sets out the stakes and definitely piques my interest.K Callardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15689825742559394896noreply@blogger.com