tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post5125913290603633611..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: BD One Last Chance Logline #47K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-54086864670254735582012-10-28T16:03:01.147-04:002012-10-28T16:03:01.147-04:00Thank you all so much! I am revising based on your...Thank you all so much! I am revising based on your suggestions.<br /><br />I TOTALLY love the TOTALLY line. ; ) Sarah Floydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11202671048418865629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-38485567344868911422012-10-27T19:47:32.625-04:002012-10-27T19:47:32.625-04:00I love TOTALLY crushing back:)I love TOTALLY crushing back:)CarolineFrye.blogspot.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00158333641073753659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-32060456049602663262012-10-27T16:18:11.057-04:002012-10-27T16:18:11.057-04:00Sounds like a fun book! To tighten this up a littl...Sounds like a fun book! To tighten this up a little, I'd suggest to delete the sentence that starts with: Flying is fantastic... <br /><br />I also like Rebecca's suggestion.<br /><br />Good luck!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502915116446772081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-16152509183055568102012-10-27T15:17:19.927-04:002012-10-27T15:17:19.927-04:00I like Rebecca's suggestions above. Her Grandp...I like Rebecca's suggestions above. Her Grandpa is pretty important (if I remember correctly from another site) so I'd play that up more.<br /><br />Good luck!Dana Ehttp://momslifeponderings.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-59742088172668626412012-10-27T15:11:18.844-04:002012-10-27T15:11:18.844-04:00I think your logline has lots of great elements, i...I think your logline has lots of great elements, it just needs to be compacted a bit more. For your second sentence, you might be able to say " While flying is fantastic, it makes her an outsider at school".<br /><br />The ending I like. Maybe it would be a bit better to know why she doesn't want to leave her Grandpa. I've seen your story before, so I think he was the one who raised her, right? Maybe add that in really quickly. "but a glamorous life with the mother she longed for means leaving her Grandpa who was always there, and her crush...who's TOTALLY crushing back."<br /><br />I probably made everything even wordier, but I hope it helps.:)Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15525362690272102453noreply@blogger.com