tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post5185378020854278574..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: February Test Run #3K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-26065139387705068012013-02-27T22:01:02.547-05:002013-02-27T22:01:02.547-05:00I'm conflicted too. I actually did feel like I...I'm conflicted too. I actually did feel like I was really there, seeing the scene. The description was the right balance for me. <br /><br />Both of the questions "Who knew campaign managers...?" and "Could the senator ...?" pulled me out of the moment though. I think, like others mentioned, the scene it might read just fine without them. Just thoughts though - I would definitely read on!<br /><br />Carissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10594436685900756259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-55599593780857267462013-02-27T17:00:39.064-05:002013-02-27T17:00:39.064-05:00I actually think you did a great job of setting th...I actually think you did a great job of setting the scene.<br />I would suggest however, beginning with the second paragraph and then pointing the gun as Patchi suggested above. I would also suggest cutting the fourth paragraph as this breaks the narrative and reads more like a book jacket with the rhetorical question and I think it slows the story.<br />These are just suggestions, take them as you will ;-)<br /><br />Best of luck!<br /><br />KarenHarterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106625152436627828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-54122565799700108182013-02-27T15:22:52.635-05:002013-02-27T15:22:52.635-05:00I think the second paragraph breaks the narrative....I think the second paragraph breaks the narrative. I would suggest either starting with that and then pointing the gun, or take it out and move along with the scene. I'm leaning towards the first option, because the "gone in and dragged him out at gunpoint" can sound like an euphemism until the reader realizes that she actually has a gun.<br /><br />Good luck! I really want to know what got her there.Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-86069926450938159372013-02-27T11:37:05.398-05:002013-02-27T11:37:05.398-05:00I'm kind of conflicted about your entry. Your ...I'm kind of conflicted about your entry. Your writing is superb. I got swept up in it, only to realize at the end I had not a clue what just happened. <br />Your interweaving of the description of the politician's office with the immediate action of pointing a gun at someone is hard to follow. There's a pub, a campaign office, a street and a car...it was hard for me to get situated. Also, in the first sentence, she says she is pointing the gun directly at his forehead, and two paragraphs later she's three feet away from him.<br />I would suggest staying in the moment a bit longer and focusing on the immediate conflict of if she's going to point the trigger rather than trying to explain how she got there.Yellow Post-itnoreply@blogger.com