tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post5439897959778854086..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: BD One Last Chance Logline #31K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-69152079601373170002012-10-27T18:24:29.095-04:002012-10-27T18:24:29.095-04:00I really like the premise, but thought there was a...I really like the premise, but thought there was a little too much information for a logline. I tried to cut it somewhat, to see if that helps:<br /><br />"When corrupt spies kidnap Ying-Shi Fong’s only friend Molly, he must locate the Clockwork Cricket, a mechanical recording device that contains military secrets, in exchange for her safe return. But when the Cricket’s owner is found brutally murdered, tensions between the local townsfolk and the immigrant population escalate into deadly race riots, forcing Ying-Shi to choose between his friend and his family."<br /><br />Good luck!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-11207384452042172992012-10-27T17:32:57.958-04:002012-10-27T17:32:57.958-04:00Great job. I think you have a very interesting pre...Great job. I think you have a very interesting premise and your logline serves you well. It's a tad long, but I'm not sure what you could cut.<br /><br />Good luck!Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502915116446772081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-38411048160321585092012-10-27T16:51:03.936-04:002012-10-27T16:51:03.936-04:00This is good! Nice blend of original concepts. I g...This is good! Nice blend of original concepts. I get a good sense of the stakes. Two things I am wondering: How old is the MC? Is this adult? Also, what exactly does he have to do for his family that would keep him awak from Molly? I'd like to see more specific info there. But I really am intrigued. Kate Brauninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17359786337276060219noreply@blogger.com