tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post6259600082055268099..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: January Test Run #3K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-76233795007027894462013-01-28T12:16:53.302-05:002013-01-28T12:16:53.302-05:00I found the head hopping very distracting. I wante...I found the head hopping very distracting. I wanted to invest myself in one person and I wasn't sure who that would be. I also couldn't get a feel as to where this was heading. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17948717395946476483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-71295501714391529182013-01-28T08:41:27.050-05:002013-01-28T08:41:27.050-05:00I agree with Patchi & Keely. I had to keep re...I agree with Patchi & Keely. I had to keep re-reading to figure out who was who, because the POV kept switching. I think even if you are an omniscient narrator you need to start by focusing on one person before expanding, so we can follow what's going on.<br /><br />Good luck!K Callardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15689825742559394896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-30918651595419787712013-01-27T22:23:28.222-05:002013-01-27T22:23:28.222-05:00The lack of a defined POV bothered me too. I'm...The lack of a defined POV bothered me too. I'm not sure who the MC is and which scene I'm supposed to be paying attention. Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-41240629914891376772013-01-27T21:03:41.128-05:002013-01-27T21:03:41.128-05:00This is an awkward read, I think because I'm n...This is an awkward read, I think because I'm not sure where the POV is. It seems to be Frank, but then we hear Tom's judgments of Frank and what he's doing even after Frank has whizzed by on his bike. You may be going for an omniscient narrator but that's really tricky and feels to me that it's at odds with the amount of detail in the descriptions.<br /><br />You also tell us what every expression looks like, rather than showing us; a smile is mischievious, a look pitying, a fiercely intent stare. More "showing" would make these details come alive.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com