tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post8532772663066522574..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: BD One Last Chance Logline #41K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-65860602380202818252012-10-28T22:29:02.049-04:002012-10-28T22:29:02.049-04:00Nice revision. I do have a few questions to challe...Nice revision. I do have a few questions to challenge you with (and I understand that there is only so much you can cram into a log line, but these are things that went through my head as I read).<br /><br />Why would science create someone engineered to be a loner?<br />What is Juliet apprenticing Quinn in? <br />What is threatening the Modified's lives?<br /><br />Overall, strong writing and interesting concept.Anita Saxenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12444339735834716979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-29801703395657368212012-10-28T14:08:50.022-04:002012-10-28T14:08:50.022-04:00Thanks for all the feedback! Am I allowed to post...Thanks for all the feedback! Am I allowed to post revisions? Just in case anybody else decides to read...<br /><br />Seventeen-year-old Juliet Eisley is a genetically Modified loner without much hope when she agrees to apprentice misanthropic medical genius Quinn Aldrick, whose controversial work could save thousands of Modified lives. Soon her complex relationship with Aldrick blossoms into a real bond, and Aldrick’s dark and dangerous world starts to feel like home – until Juliet discovers she might be the unwilling subject of her new mentor’s ultimate experiment.katecwritesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-88010025577987076212012-10-28T02:53:56.350-04:002012-10-28T02:53:56.350-04:00I'm also with Carmen about the last line. Othe...I'm also with Carmen about the last line. Otherwise, I love, love, love this! Especially "Aldrick’s dark and dangerous world starts to feel like home." The phrasing is gorgeous, there. Great plot!Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-67343009991106411982012-10-27T23:34:34.818-04:002012-10-27T23:34:34.818-04:00I absolutely agree with Carmen abut the last line....I absolutely agree with Carmen abut the last line. If you make it a statement rather than a question it will be much stronger. Otherwise, I think it's clear and well done. <br /><br />Best of luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05644876333491637942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-58761763529248004622012-10-27T20:56:38.358-04:002012-10-27T20:56:38.358-04:00I agree with the comments above, both about the le...I agree with the comments above, both about the length and the ending question. I also felt that we could use a bit more information about what the two of them are actually working on. Here's my editing pass, leaving you a few words to address Addick's focus. All that said, I find the logline really compelling. Nicely done!<br /><br />Seventeen-year-old Juliet Eisley is a genetically engineered loner without a future – until she teams up with misanthropic medical genius Quinn Aldrick, whose controversial work (on ???) could save thousands. But despite their growing bond, everything changes when Juliet begins to suspect that she may be the unwilling subject of her new mentor’s ultimate experiment.chazzledazzlehttp://www.combovermohawk.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-55308267014259412392012-10-27T16:58:52.609-04:002012-10-27T16:58:52.609-04:00I think you've done a great job. I do agree th...I think you've done a great job. I do agree that it feels a little long, but I'm not sure what you could cut. I would suggest to reword the end so it's not a rhetorical question. Agents often say they hate those. <br /><br />Good luck!Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502915116446772081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-24833840630631280582012-10-27T13:05:59.816-04:002012-10-27T13:05:59.816-04:00I don't really have suggestions for this. It&#...I don't really have suggestions for this. It's easy to follow and it's strong. I sort of feel like it runs on the long side but I'm not sure how to change it. See if you can combine a few ideas. Love the story.<br /><br />Good luck!Authoress Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14384597436791803105noreply@blogger.com